Wednesday, 26 October 2011


we've finally got an internet connection at Dad's house which

means that I will be able to keep in touch with blogland while caring for him.

It'll make things a little easier for me to have a world outside work, cancer and caring.

I'm having a good lesson in how hard life can be.

It's hard to remember what my life was like before

and it feels like I wake up every day in a horrendous

bubble of disaster while normality seems to surround everyone else.

We are a small close family, dad has prostate cancer,

I have a thyroid problem which I've struggled with for years and

now I can't take the medicaton for it because it makes my heart go bonkers

and my lungs fill with fluid...if anyone has had similar problems I would be very

interested to hear from them. . On top of this, regular car, house, work

stresses sometimes seem like the last straw.

i see these paints and sometimes think i can paint my way through this nightmare.

sorry to offload

I know others have difficult lives too

and there must be plenty who experience much worse

i don't know how they survive.

i don't know how i will survive.

all i can think of is that if i do survive this ordeal

i will have learnt a lot about how hard life can be

and i'll be able to use my experience to help others.

it's good to be back here.



Makiko Hastings said...

Thank you for openly sharing your feeling in such hard time. You WILL survive, I know it's easy to say from me but I do know you are a brave and strong person. Thinking of you. xm

WrightStuff said...

That sounds so tough on you. Yes, keep painting, I know it keeps me sane. It is so soothing and relaxing and also something just for you.
Take care

Carole said...

Hi. I have been thinking about you this week wondering how you are. I wish I could fly over and give you a hug and a helping hand!

artymess said...

that's tough's ok to offload ...thats what blog friends are for .....x

wanda miller said...

it's good to unload sometimes. and life can be close to unbearable at times like these. it seems a good sign that you are speaking about it and getting some of it out of your system. remember to ask for help while someone is so sick that you care'll need time COMPLETELY away from this situation to keep yourself mentally and physically ABLE. good thoughts and prayers are coming your way. wanda

e said...

I've been wondering what became of you....Just take each day as it comes and ask for help when you need it. Sending hugs from afar.

Jane Moore Houghton said...

Hello there!
Just noticed you 'following' me (my blog) :-) ...thanks so much!
I love your mark making and seem to have similar obsessions with concrete, lichen, tea...
I am so sorry to hear all that is on your shoulders at the moment. I nursed my mother until she died of a brain tumor in 1996 and my father until he succumbed to the late stages of Alzheimers in 2006. It sucks (sorry, no better word) but I hope you can see it as a gift to be able to be with your Dad at this most tender time of his life. I will follow you and continue to take this journey with you. Keep painting! All the best.

Lynda Howells said...

ok..first of all...make sure you look after yourself first. I always tell my clients...As they say on planes.."please put your mask on first before you sort put anyone elses" Give yourself sometime each day to be "your time". Even if it is only 15 will help to keep you sane love. You sound as oif you are having and have had a really hard time but if you do what you have done will help you to get through. Unload when ever you want...that's what friends are for even if it is on The Net!xxsending you some "relaxing" vibesxxlynda
My main blog is now

Anonymous said...

You WILL survive,
you will breath every breath in and out.
And wake up each day and go on until it's over.

Then you will be stronger, wiser and have paved a way for others.

That's how it is.

even though it feels like utter shit at the time...

Seth said...

Moment by moment. Hoping that thinks settle a bit for you and your family. Sending my best.

Parabolic Muse said...

I've been so long between blog surfs. So sorry to hear of these struggles. Life is so difficult. It is a singular solitary place caring for a loved one and especially a parent. We are with you in thought. Its good that you share here. Word seem insufficient but my wishes go out to you. Be good to yourself.

bois-fleurie said...

I am so glad so many people have responed to you at this awful time.It is very difficult to taketime for ones self but I know it can be done.It was the only way I didn't go under,so I hope hope hope you can manage even a short space of time for youself.Hugs Jill

Anonymous said...

hi, I arrived via Karin's blog. this month my world was shrunk down as my daughter was injured and has been on bed rest for 3 weeks. But she will recover and so will my life. sending you a hug and blessings

Lorraine Young Pottery said...

Well you can not do it all. If there is anyone to hire help and you or your father have the funds you should. I don't know your situation but I wanted to put that out there. When we get so tired we get sick to, or any sickness is made worst.

Sending wishes for peace for you.